Best Out of Office Auto-replies ...

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office.
If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

3. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from holiday on 4 April. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

4. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

5. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message.
Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).

6. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system.
You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

7. I've run away to join a different circus.

A poem on Engineer (Hindi)

Engineer woh hain

jo aksar phasta hain

Interviews ke sawaal mey

Badi companiyon ke jaal mey

Boss aur client ke bawaal mey

Engineer woh hain

jo pak gaya hain

Meetings ki jhelai mey

Submissions ki gehraai mey

Teamwork ki chataai mey

Engineer woh hain

jo laga rehta hain

Schedule ko failane mey

Targets ko khiskaane mey

Roz naye-naye bahaane banane mey

Engineer woh hain

jo lunch time mey Breakfast karta hain

Dinner time mey Lunch karta hain aur

Commutation ke waqt soya karta hain

Engineer woh hain

jo paagal hain

Chai aur samose ke pyaar mey

Cigarette ke khumaar mey

Birdwatching ke vichaar mey

Engineer woh hain

jo khoya hain

Reminders ke jawaab mey

Na milne waale hisaab mey

Behtar Bhavishya ke khwaab mey

Engineer woh hain

jise intezaar hain

Weekend nights par dhoom machaane ka

Boss ke chutti par jaane ka

Increment ki khabar aane ka

Engineer woh hain

jo sochta hain

Kaash padhaai par dhyaan diya hota

Kaash teacher se panga na liya hota

Kaash ishq na kiya hota....

Kaash....

Never propose to a SoftWare Girl...

Never propose a Testing girl since she always doubts U.

Never propose a DATABASE girl since she always wants her Boyfriend to be a UNIQUE key.

Never propose a C girl because she always have a tendency to BREAK the things and EXIT from life.

Never propose a C++ girl as u may encounter some problems in INHERITANCE.

Never propose a JAVA girl since she always throws EXCEPTIONS.

Never propose a VB girl since she has resignation FORM with her always.

Never propose a UNIX girl ,she always dump u with a core.

Never propose a PASCAL girl ,she always scolds u as rascal.

Never propose a COBOL girl since she may be very good in DIVISION of families.

Never propose a NETWORK girl since she may be very good in shooting troubles.

Better propose a girl not belonging to SOFTWARE FAMILY


Propose A GIRL FROM A "HARD"WARE FAMILY, THEN...

From Within...

Some of the most significant messages people deliver to one another often come in just three words. When spoken or conveyed, those statements have the power to forge new friendships, deepen old ones and restore relationships that have cooled. The following three-word phrases can enrich every relationship.

I'LL BE THERE - Being there for another person is the greatest gift we can give. When we are truly present for other people, important things happen to them and to us. We are renewed in love and friendship. We are restored emotionally and spiritually. 'Being there' is at the very very core of civility.

I MISS YOU - Perhaps more marriages could be salvaged and strengthened if couples simply and sincerely said to each other, "I miss you." This powerful affirmation tells partners they are wanted, needed, desired and loved.

I RESPECT YOU - Respect is another way of showing love. Respect conveys the feeling that
another person is a true equal. It is a powerful way to affirm the importance of a relationship.

MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT - This phrase is highly effective in diffusing an argument and restoring
frayed emotions. The flip side of "maybe you're right" is the humility of admitting "maybe I'm wrong."

PLEASE FORGIVE ME - Many broken relationships could be restored and healed if people would admit their mistakes and ask for forgiveness. All of us are vulnerable to faults, foibles and failures. A man should never be ashamed to own he has been in the wrong, which is but saying, in other words, that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.

I THANK YOU - Gratitude is an exquisite form of courtesy. People who enjoy the companionship of good, close friends are those who don't take daily courtesies for granted. They are quick to thank their friends for their many expressions of kindness. On the other hand, people whose circle of friends is severely constricted often do not have the attitude of gratitude.

COUNT ON ME - "A friend is one who walks in when others walk out," Loyalty is an essential ingredient for true friendship; it is the emotional glue that bonds people. Those who are rich in their relationships tend to be steady and true friends. When troubles come, a good friend is there, indicating "you can count on me."

LET ME HELP - The best of friends see a need and try to fill it. When they spot a hurt they do what they can to heal it. Without being asked, they pitch in and help.

I UNDERSTAND YOU - People become closer and enjoy each other more if they feel the other person accepts and understands them. Letting others know in so many little ways that you understand him or her is one of the most powerful tools for healing your relationship.

GO FOR IT - Some of your friends may be non conformists, have unique projects and unusual hobbies. Support them in pursuing their interests. Rather than urging your loved ones to conform, encourage their uniqueness-everyone has dreams that no one else has.

I suppose the 3 little words that you were expecting to see have to be reserved for those who are special;

that is I LOVE YOU.

A letter to Dad...

A FATHER PASSING BY HIS SON'S BEDROOM WAS ASTONISHED TO SEE THE BED WAS NICELY MADE AND EVERYTHING WAS PICKED UP.

THEN HE SAW AN ENVELOPE PROPPED UP PROMINENTLY ON THE CENTER OF THE BED.

IT WAS ADDRESSED, "DAD".

WITH THE WORST PREMONITION, HE OPENED THE ENVELOPE AND READ
THE LETTER WITH TREMBLING HANDS:

DEAR DAD,

IT IS WITH GREAT REGRET AND SORROW THAT I'M WRITING THIS.
I HAD TO ELOPE WITH MY NEW GIRLFRIEND BECAUSE I WANTED
TO AVOID A SCENE WITH MOM AND YOU.

I'VE BEEN FINDING REAL PASSION WITH BARBARA AND SHE IS
SO NICE EVEN WITH ALL HER PIERCING, TATTOOS, AND HER
TIGHT MOTORCYCLE CLOTHES.

BUT IT'S NOT ONLY THE PASSION DAD, SHE'S PREGNANT
AND BARBARA SAID THAT WE WILL BE VERY HAPPY.

EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T CARE FOR HER AS SHE
IS MUCH OLDER THAN I, SHE ALREADY OWNS A TRAILER
IN THE WOODS AND HAS A STACK OF FIREWOOD FOR THE
WHOLE WINTER.

SHE WANTS TO HAVE MANY MORE CHILDREN
WITH ME AND THAT'S NOW ONE OF MY DREAMS TOO.

BARBARA TAUGHT ME THAT MARIJUANA DOESN'T REALLY HURT ANYONE
AND WE'LL BE GROWING IT FOR OURSELVES AND TRADING
IT WITH HER FRIENDS FOR ALL THE COCAINE AND ECSTASY WE WANT.

IN THE MEANTIME, WE'LL PRAY THAT SCIENCE WILL FIND A CURE
FOR AIDS SO BARBARA CAN GET BETTER; SHE SURE
DESERVES IT!!

DON'T WORRY DAD, I'M 15 YEARS OLD NOW AND I KNOW HOW TO TAKE
CARE OF MYSELF.

SOMEDAY I'M SURE WE'LL BE BACK TO VISIT SO YOU CAN
GET TO KNOW YOUR GRANDCHILDREN.

YOUR SON, JOHNNY

P.S. DAD, NONE OF THIS IS TRUE. I'M OVER AT THE NEIGHBOR'S
HOUSE. I JUST WANTED TO REMIND YOU THAT THERE
ARE WORSE THINGS IN LIFE THAN MY REPORT CARD
THAT'S IN MY DESK CENTER DRAWER. I LOVE YOU!

CALL WHEN IT'S SAFE FOR ME TO COME HOME.

GROWING OLDER ... an Article

Nice one, read till end .... A highly inspirational article... read on.

The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder. I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being.

She said, "Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?" I laughed and enthusiastically responded, "Of course you may!" and she gave me a giant squeeze.

"Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?" I asked.

She jokingly replied, "I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, have a couple of children, and then retire and travel."

"No seriously," I asked.

I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age.

"I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!" she told me.

After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake. We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this "time machine" as she shared her wisdom and experience with me.

Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up.

At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet. I'll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor.

Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said "I'm sorry I'm so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know."

As we laughed she cleared her throat and began:

"We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing. There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. "You have to laugh and find humor every day.

"You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die. We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it!"

"There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up. If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight. Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding the opportunity in change." "Have no regrets. The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets."

She concluded her speech by courageously singing "The Rose."

She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives.

At the years end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago. One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep.

Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's never too late to be all you can possibly be.

If you read this, please send this peaceful word of advice to your friends and family, they'll really enjoy it! We send these words in loving memory of ROSE

Remember, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY, GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL.

Tough times do not last but tough people do